Haunted
by Alexiel Reborn
Summary: Shinji is suffering. He is haunted by what he is and what he can never be. What happens when an Angel attacks Shinji in a way that no one can control? What if the choice was between Shinji’s life and the lives of everyone around him?
1. So Useless

**_Haunted_**  
  
**Pairings**: Rei and Shinji, Misato and Kaji, possibly, Toji and Hakari,  
  
**Warnings**: Violence, Language,  
  
** Summary**:  
  
angel  
n 1: spiritual being attendant upon God  
2: person of exceptional holiness  
  
Who ever said that angels weren't cruel?  
  
Shinji is suffering, alone and in the dark, he is suffering. He is haunted by what he is and what he can never be. Suddenly an Angel appears, an Angel that is different than the others, more powerful than any of them can ever imagine. What happens when this Angel attacks Shinji in a way that no one can control? What if the choice was between Shinji's life and the lives of everyone around him?

* * *

**Chapter One:** So Useless

* * *

_**Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
  
Still can't find what keeps me here  
  
When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
  
I know you're still there**_

__  
  
Shinji Ikari stared up at his dismal blank ceiling his arms crossed desolately behind his head. His mind was wandering, drifting far away, searching for a purpose, something he had been seeking for a long time. Was there any meaning in his existence? Was there a point to surviving?  
  
_Why am I doing this? Why am I living? Why am I piloting the Eva? What in this world is so precious? Why should we work so hard to protect something that may not even be worth it? Why...why should I even live anymore? Is there any point...to me?  
_  
The silence of night engulfed him, the normal snores of Misato and Asuka subdued on this forlorn night. Shinji flipped over onto his side, his brown bangs falling in front of his troubled lonely eyes, eyes haunted by what they saw...inside himself.  
  
_Father......Father...do you ever think of me? Do you think of me...like I think of you every night? When the darkness comes I can no longer hide from it...It consumes me. All these thoughts...All this memories...I thought I could escape it...But I can't...I can't..._  
  
Shinji trembled, curling into a small ball under his thin blankets. Fumbling he reached for his headphones and pulled them on. He quickly flipped his music on, his fingers slipping slightly from sweat.  
  
_Am I really such a horrible person? Father...am I really such a horrible person? Did you really hate me....that much? I guess...I don't deserve to be living right now. You were right about me...I'm so...weak...so...useless. I could never amount to anything...I shouldn't be here...I don't deserve.....to live...._  
  
He clutched himself tighter, his hands shaking violently as he wrapped his arms around his legs and buried his face into the sheets.  
  
_What is this pain?! Why do I feel so alone...I can't take it anymore...please...keep the dark away from me...memories...dark...loneliness...please......stop......someone...please...kill me..._  
  
Rei Ayanami woke the next morning, silently opening her eyes and blinking slowly as she took in her surroundings. Her aqua hair was plastered against her alabaster skin which was sticky with sweat. She lay there unmoving, thinking, knowing that she had dreamed something, but not quite able to grasp it from the unreality that she had been swept into.  
  
Deciding that it was futile to try to catch a wisp of escaped fantasy, she silently slid out of bed, the sheet sliding against her clammy skin and making her shiver. Despondently she walked across her room, her bare feet resting on the smooth chilly floor.  
  
She reached the bathroom in a dismal silence, pausing in the doorway for a fraction of a second to ponder her dream one last time. Defeated, she continued, prying off her pajamas and gently setting them aside. Brushing a stray hair out of her face she stepped into the warm embrace of the shower, the mist forming droplets on her pale creamy skin. Small trickles of water streamed down her chilled body. And then suddenly...she remembered.  
  
_I was swimming...swimming through an immense darkness...groping blindly for something I could not see...something that I did not know. All I could feel was this terrible sense of fear and urgency...as though...I needed to find something...or someone. Everything was so silent...so horribly silent. All I could hear was my rasping breath shattering the frozen quiet.  
  
I needed to find him...I needed to find him so bad. Searching...searching...needing to find him...If only...I could find him..._  
  
"Asuka, come on, we're going to be late!" Shinji called from the doorway, his foot tapping impatiently. He sighed and leaned against the wall. He was already dressed and ready to go, his back pack slung over his slim shoulder in hopes that they might be leaving soon. Misato wasn't around because she had left early on some business for NERV. It had only been him and Asuka this morning.  
  
"I'm coming! Essh give me a break. I still don't see why I have to go to some dumb school. You Japanese people are weird!" She whined as she grabbed her backpack and rushed over to the door. Shinji was silent and simply turned and walked out the door. Asuka scurried after him.  
  
"Hey Shinji, why you so quiet?" Asuka asked, as she straightened out her blouse. She then turned her attention to her long red hair, making sure it was all in place.  
  
"......" Was Shinji's silent response, his feet plodding along as he stared down at them.  
  
Asuka shrugged. Oh well. It wasn't her problem.  
  
Later that afternoon just after the last bell rang Shinji still sat in his allotted desk, fingering his pen absentmindedly.  
  
"Hey SHINJI!" Asuka called from across the room. He looked up, his eyes still far away. "I'm going over to Hikari Horaki's house till tonight, okay? Tell Misato when you get home!" She said, as she hurried out the room.  
  
"Yeah..." he said wearily, but she was already too far away to hear his quiet response. Calmly he gathered up his books and stood from his seat. With a small sigh he slowly made his way to home...  
  
_Home...I wonder...does that place even really exist?  
_  
Back at the apartment Shinji silently prepared his solitary meal. Misato had still not returned from NERV and so he was not surprised when he heard the phone ring soon after his return.  
  
"Hello..." he answered unenthusiastically, already knowing who it was. Sure enough Misato answered him.  
  
"Hey Shinji. I'll be late tonight...so don't wait up for me ok? Tell Asuka to behave..." Misato's voice said, apologetically.  
  
Shinji merely shrugged it away. He was used to it. "It's okay. Anyway, Asuka's spending the evening at her friend's house. She wanted me to tell you that."  
  
Misato's voice gained an annoyed tone. "What?! Why didn't she call and ask first?! I am your guys' guardian, aren't I?"  
  
"I'm...sorry..." Shinji said, unable to think of anything else to say.  
  
Misato sighed resignedly. "It's not your fault. I know how stubborn she can be. Are you sure that you'll be alright by yourself?"  
  
Shinji closed his eyes and sighed. "What do you mean...I've always been alone..." he whispered without thinking. He bit his lip as he realized what he had said. "I'm...sorry..." he murmured quickly.  
  
The phone was silent for a moment before she answered. "Well, I have to go now...but remember...I'm here to talk...if you ever need it..."  
  
"Yes, Misato..." he mumbled before he said his goodbyes and hung up. This was going to be a lonely night.  
  
Rei sat silently in her room, listening to the hum of the city outside her small world. Her unemotional eyes were fixed on the pair of cracked glasses in her small hands. Her fingers gently ran over their smooth surface, absentmindedly tracing the cracks. With a heavy sigh she set them down on her bedside table and walked soundlessly to the door, slipping on her shoes on the way out the door. She was lost in thought as she wandered aimlessly down the streets.  
  
_What did it mean? Why...why did I dream such a thing?_  
  
Shinji sat alone in his room, his music playing ever so softly. A terrible feeling of solitude had overcome his heart and he accepted it as his fate. He was never one to argue or try to get things his way. He would just do what everyone said. It didn't really matter anyway. Nothing mattered to him.  
  
_It's so silent here with only me. It's almost like the night, except for somehow lonelier. At night everyone's just sleeping as I lie awake, but now...everyone is out...left me behind. They are all out, with other people, doing other stuff...without me._  
  
Shinji stood up and went over to his window to stare out at the city.  
  
_But then again I am just being selfish. They have other things to do. I don't deserve anything anyway. I'm so useless...so utterly useless._


	2. Silhouette

This really sucks because I wrote it before I watched the last three of the DVDs so a lot of it doesn't go along with the plot of the story. Just ignore that and pretend that its AU.  
  
Haunted  
  
Chapter Two: Silhouette  
  
The chilly winds swept through the darkened city of Tokyo 3 howling in the empty darkness that engulfed its shelled walls. From this frozen silence came the echoing of a metallic shriek that made the very ground shudder in anticipated fear. Another Angel had come to Tokyo 3.  
  
Red lights flashed warning in NERV headquarters where Misato had just been ready to retire for the night. Instantly the entire headquarters was in action, the required few that stayed the night at the outpost jumping to action immediately.  
  
"WHAT?! An angel?! At this time of night?!" Misato exclaimed, coming out of her half-asleep state of mind and rubbing her tired eyes.  
  
"Major Katsuragi! What should we do?" came the urgent voice of Maya Ibuki, the lieutenant and technician for NERV.  
  
"Someone, get Shinji and the others down here. Prepare the Evas! Evacuate the threatened areas immediately!" Misato yelled, springing into action. "Do we have any information on the Angel?" Misato said as she looked at the computer screen transferring the data.  
  
"Nothing solid yet, Major, but we're getting some strange readings in." Lieutenant Shigeru Aoba answered. "Wait...here's something!....My god!"  
  
Misato rushed over. "What is it?" she insisted impatiently.  
  
"It's the Angel......It's an Eva..." he said unsurely.  
  
"What?!" Misato asked confusedly.  
  
"The Angel...it's just like...our Evas...It's like....a copy..."  
  
"Where the hell is Rei?" Misato asked impatiently as she looked at the faces of Shinji and Asuka who were both standing prepped and ready.  
  
"No one has been able to find her." Shinji answered apologetically.  
  
"This is a damn fine time to get lost!" Misato said in agitation. "We have no time for this damn it! We'll just have to do it without her. There's an Angel obviously, but I want you to be careful on this one. It's different than the other ones. Apparently it looks just like our Evas, but we don't know what its capable of yet."  
  
Shinji's eyes widened. "Just like the Evas?"  
  
Asuka huffed. "Obviously the Angels aren't strong enough for me so they tried to imitate me. How pathetic. C'mon let's get out there and kick its butt!"  
  
"I'm serious Asuka. I'm ordering you to proceed with caution. We don't have Rei on this one, so it will be just you two." Misato said in a warning tone.  
  
Asuka just shook her off. "Everything will be fine. We don't need 'Wonder Girl' this time. Stop worrying. Let's get going!"  
  
..........................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
The Angel was lurking in the outer regions of the city, slowly making its way through the buildings, smashing them under its feet. It was obvious where it was heading, NERV headquarters, the only place of threat to the Angels.  
  
It was an exact copy of the Angels, except for it gleamed a ghostly white in the darkness and the mere image of it sent shivers of fear down Shinji's spine as he approached it stealthily in Unit 01, his massive gun held in one arm.  
  
"Asuka? Are you in position?" he asked tentatively turning to see her face on his communicator.  
  
"Give me a second, it's hard to see in the dark!" Asuka complained as she steadily got into her position behind a tall building.  
  
Shinji sighed and shook his head. He had to concentrate on this mission. He couldn't afford to get distracted not matter what...no matter how much pain he was in.  
  
"It stopped moving!" He heard Asuka's surprised voice exclaim. He turned to look and sure enough it was motionless.  
  
"What's happening?" Shinji questioned, all the sudden more frightened than he had ever been on any other mission before. The Angel looked like a ghost in the silhouetted darkness of the night city.  
  
Everything went deathly silent as if even the wind refused to blow and stir the world from its blanket of silence. Then through the silence came a screeching scream that erupted from the Angel as it tilted its head back, its eyes glowing an sickly red color. Its shrieks tore through the air and blasted Shinji and Asuka with its full force.  
  
"What the hell is that!" Asuka screamed as she twisted with the pain. The noise was unbearably.  
  
Shinji was frozen, unable to move, a horrible pain twisting within him. To his horror the Angel slowly turned its eyes onto him and his heart began to beat wildly. It was staring at him. It was looking at him...not the Eva...no it was looking straight at him...straight into his heart.  
  
"STOP IT! STOP LOOKING AT ME!" he screamed, feeling the vile presence of the Angel inside him. It could see his thoughts...It was inside of him!  
  
"Shinji just calm down!" He heard Misato's calm voice, but he could not listen. He couldn't hear anything, but the terrible screeching of the Angel that had somehow become part of him. He began to panic, unable to take it when he began to feel the Angel...began to become part of the Angel. Without thinking he began to fire into the Angel's body, screaming at the top of his lungs. He had to stop it. He couldn't stand it anymore.  
  
"What are you doing Shinji?! STOP!" Misato screamed, but Shinji was too preoccupied to notice.  
  
As soon as his first bullet hit the Angel's body he felt a unbearable pain tear through his own and he clutched his side. His eyes widened when he pulled away his hands releasing a torrent of blood into the pod.  
  
He stared at his crimson fingers in astonishment. "Misato....help...me..." he whimpered, terrified as he slowly slid away into unconsciousness.  
  
"DAMN IT! What's going on in there?" Misato said angrily.  
  
"Shinji's life stats are going crazy. He's passed out and it seems that a lot of blood has been released into the pod." Was the horrified response.  
  
Misato's heart raced. "NO!....Get Shinji out of there right away!"  
  
"But...the angel..." Shigeru stammered.  
  
"I don't give a damn about the Angel, just get Shinji out of there!"  
  
"Right...ejecting the pod..."  
  
"How is Unit 02's status?" Misato said, suddenly fearing for Asuka.  
  
"No change. Everything's normal."  
  
"And the Angel?" she questioned with fear.  
  
"Unresponsive. Everything seems to be in a stand still."  
  
"Right. I guess this one's up to me!" Asuka said, a little scared, but unwilling to admit it. Rei was missing and she had no clue what happened to Shinji, but there was one thing she did know. The Angel was going down! She blasted her gun at the Angel's body and with a satisfying boom it tore at the Angel's shoulder. Just as that happened Shinji's life stats spiked.  
  
Misato looked in horror as she suddenly realized what was happening. "Stop it Asuka! Don't fire!" She screamed.  
  
"Why?" Asuka asked as she shot again hitting the Angel's leg.  
  
"Because every time you hurt the Angel, you hurt Shinji as well!" 


	3. Angel's Judgement

**Haunted**  
  
**Chapter Three: _Angel's Judgment_**  
  
_I'm drifting...so cold...so dark. Nothing...I can see nothing, but this endless dark that seems to consume my heart. I don't understand. What's happening to me? I can still feel it in me. The Angel...it's in me. I'm alone...someone help me...I'm so alone..._  
  
"Wait...there is someone else here....Who...who are you?" _Who else could be here?  
_  
"That is irrelevant."  
  
"What do you want with me?" _Is this the Angel? Is the Angel talking to me?  
_  
"I want to know you."  
  
"Why? Why me?!" _It has to be it. Where's everyone? Misato, Asuka, Rei...father. Where is everyone? Someone help me! The Angel....it's here....it's here...but I'm all alone!  
_  
"Do not fear me for we are part of one another. "  
  
"I don't understand. What do you mean?" _This can't possibly be happening....can it?  
_  
"My feelings are yours and yours are mine. My soul is yours and yours is mine. My heart is yours and yours is mine. We are one. "  
  
"Then why do I feel so scared?"  
  
".....Because I am scared."  
  
.............................................................................................................................  
  
"WHAT?!" Asuka screamed, hesitantly taking a step back from the Angel. "What do you mean that I'm hurting Shinji?"  
  
"I don't know how, but whenever the Angel is attacked Shinji is attacked as well." Misato explained her patience wearing thinner by the moment.  
  
"Then what am I supposed to do!?" Asuka asked, exasperated.  
  
"I don't know..." Misato said regretfully, biting her lip. "Where is Commander Ikari?"  
  
Lieutenant Maya turned to her. "I just received communication from him. He wants us to pull back. Return the Evas to headquarters and await his arrival."  
  
"What?! What about the Angel? We can't just leave it there!" Misato exclaimed slamming her fist down on the table  
  
"But look...it's not even moving anymore...he hasn't moved since Shinji passed out.." Maya pointed out. Misato went deathly silent.  
  
"Ok, Asuka bring Unit 02 in. Leave the Angel." Misato ordered after a moment.

"But!" Asuka stammered, her eyes flashing.

"Just listen to me, damn it!" Misato insisted. "Bring the Eva in!" she turned to look at Shigeru. "Do we know Shinji's status? Where is he?"

"The pod was ejected effectively. Shinji was recovered and is being brought to hospital facilities right away. His status is still unknown."

"Has Rei been found yet?" Misato asked. Her mind was in a flurry. Why was everything going so wrong? What was with this Angel? She had never seen anything like it before. What was she going to do? How was Shinji? Was he ok? What if he was dying as she sat here doing nothing?! ..........................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
Rei Ayanami was sitting bleakly on a bench in the park oblivious to anything that was going on in the other parts of the city. It was dark and silent here, the wind billowing her short skirt around her pale legs. Her thoughts were tumbling over one and another like water trickling over the rocks in a stream creating rapids in her troubled mind. Then out of nowhere she heard a terrible metallic shriek, calling through the infinitesimal city like a stone crashing through a tiny glass window, shattering the smooth exterior that hid the darkened corners of her suicidal heart. Rei's head shot up and she looked through the trees into the distance to a shadow that she had not seen before, a shadow of ghostly white that shone brightly through the night like a flame in the darkest corner. Her heart stopped. It looked just like an Eva. She began to run at full speed, her long legs stretching as far as they could. She had to get to headquarters. Something bad was about to happen.   
  
..........................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Leave me alone? Why are you here? Why won't you leave me alone? What's happening? What did you do to me?" _Someone...help...get me away from here...out of this darkness...I can't stand it..._

.

"Why are you here? Maybe that is the real question. Haven't you been wanting to know that? Why do you think about that so much?"

.

"I don't know why I am here. I don't think I should be. I don't deserve to be alive."

.

"I see. You think you are worthless...that you have no purpose...I could give you a purpose...I could show you the way."

.  
  
"What do you mean 'show me the way'?"

.

"I'll show you if you let me...."

* * *

"Where have you been Rei?!" Misato asked exasperatedly as she looked at the silent teenager who sat in front of her. "An Angel came for god's sake and where were you?!"

"I was walking. I was not aware that anything was happening." Rei said in a monotone voice.

"Why weren't you carrying any form of communication? You know that we need to be able to contact you at any moment!" Misato screamed.

"I do not know." Was Rei only response.

"You DON'T KNOW! That's all that you can come up with!" Misato said angrily.

"Yes." Rei said, not looking up at her. Misato was ready to scream some more when there was a loud bang and Commander Ikari came bursting in the room.

"That is ENOUGH Major Katsuragi...Leave Rei with me...You should probably go see to the Third child now. You are his guardian." Ikari said in a firm tone.

"Yes...and he's your son..." Misato mumbled under her breath.

"What, Major?" Commander Ikari asked, his voice deadly and vehement.

"I mean...Yes, Sir." Misato said before she turned sharply and rushed out the door. She had never heard of such a uncaring father. She herself was swamped with worry for Shinji and she didn't even know how bad a condition he was in.

* * *

Misato entered Shinji's sterile, empty room to find that Ritsuko was already there.

"What are you doing here?" Misato said surprised.

Ritsuko sighed. "I'm trying to figure out something.."

Misato walked over to the bed where Shinji was still lying unconscious. His brown hair was scattered over his pale face, his breathing shallow and rasping.

"My god...is he ok?" Misato said, running over to his side.

"He's sustained wounds in his stomach, his shoulder, and his right thigh. The worst is his stomach. He has severe cases of internal bleeding. I'm afraid that there is a good chance that he may not make it through the night." Ritsuko said with a growing sorrow.

"WHAT?! Then why isn't anyone doing anything for him? Why isn't there any machine helping him recover!" Misato exclaimed, her hand tightening around Shinji's limp hand. Ritsuko was silent.

"Tell me!" Misato insisted.

Ritsuko turned away and faced the window. "Commander Ikari's orders."

"But WHY?" Misato asked nearly in tears. Ritsuko sighed heavily and buried her face in her hands. "Because...if Shinji dies.....the Angel dies too...."


	4. Ultimate Sacrifice

**Haunted**

* * *

**Chapter Four: _Ultimate Sacrifice_**

**__**

* * *

_Ritsuko sighed and buried her face in her hands. "Because...if Shinji dies.....the Angel dies too...."_  
  
"What the hell?!'" Misato screamed, grabbing roughly onto the collar of her white jacket.  
  
Ritsuko shook off her hands. "It wasn't my choice...." she whispered with a pained expression on her face.  
  
"What the hell kind of shit is this? They can't let Shinji die! He's just a kid for god's sake! How can they make such a horrible decision? There has to be another way!" Misato ranted unable to believe that this was really happening.   
  
Ritsuko's eyes were saddened. "We don't know what else to do. If Shinji recovers then the Angel will start attacking again...If we try to destroy the Angel...then Shinji dies...This was all I could to keep them from outright killing him!" There was an evident amount of stress in her tired voice.   
  
Misato's heart stopped. "You mean...his own father...wants to KILL him?!" Tears were coming to her troubled eyes as she stared down at the pale figure lying in the bed, so helpless and alone. Suddenly she remembered his remorseful words...

_"_W_hat do you mean..........I've always been alone......."_  
  
"Shinji! No, this can't be happening!" Misato screamed as she collapsed on to the bed on top of his fragile comatose body. She began to sob uncontrollably, burying her face into the sheets of his bed. "I WON'T let you...you're not going to die...no...He wasn't there for you...but I am...I'm right here...Right by your side...all the time..." Misato couldn't keep her voice from trembling.   
  
Ritsuko's decisive voice rang through the sad silence that followed Misato's emotional pledge. "Misato...I don't like to be so blunt in situations like this...but there's nothing you can do..." Ritsuko informed laying a sympathetic hand on her shaking shoulder. "I wish I had words to comfort you, but I don't...I just can't see a way out of this..."  
  
Misato's mind boiled and she slapped away Ritsuko's unwanted hand. "Don't lecture me on what I can and can not do. I know damn well how to get through tough times. I tell you this, I WILL save Shinji and destroy the Angel! I will figure this out.... even if....even if... I have to fight the whole fucking world to stop it!" she screamed, her hand going to Shinji's to grip it tightly.   
  
Ritsuko was silenced. "I'll leave you to watch over Shinji. I'm afraid though...if he wakes up..." she didn't finish, but Misato already knew it. As soon as Shinji woke they were going to kill him. She had to get Shinji out of here. No matter what the price she was going to get Shinji out of this one alive. She didn't care what she had to do...she would do it.  
  
_I never realized how much I cared for you Shinji. You were always so quiet and did like I said. Not one compliant. I don't think I will ever meet someone like you again. So scarred from their past, but still managing to go on even through the loneliness. You were just like the little brother I never had...just like the son I will probably never....and a true friend that I could only hope for in my wildest dreams. I owe it to you. I swear somehow that I will save you...I will care for you and love you even if your father doesn't...You'll never be lonely again.That I promise you.  
_  
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
_I don't know where I am. I am still in the darkness except the voice seems to have gone oddly silent. I called out a few times, but it did not answer. I'm so confused...my memories floating across my vision in a torrent of scattered recollections. It's so cold here...and silent...so terribly silent...  
_  
_Wait...I hear someone...Not the Angel...but it sounds like....Misato! She's crying. I can hear her crying. Why is she crying?  
_  
"Shinji! No, this can't be happening! I WON'T let you...you're not going to die...no...He wasn't there for you...but I am...I'm right here...Right by your side...all the time..."  
  
_Am I dying? Is this really what dying is like? Oh Misato...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry_.  
  
"That woman truly does care for you." says that voice again.  
  
_The voice...it's back again...Can it hear my thoughts?_ "Yes." _If only father cared for me...father....  
  
_"And yet...your father does not?" it asks.  
  
"How did you know?!" _Can this Angel really know what I am thinking?  
_  
"I do not know. That is why I asked. From what I have seen of your memories your father is a Commander for NERV. He abandoned you, did he not? He left you. Why are you working for him? Are you ready to stoop so low as to beg from a father who has hated you all your life?" it taunts.   
  
_How can it know all this?_ "What are you saying? How can you know all this?! Leave me alone! You don't know the first thing about me!"  
  
"But I know everything about you. I AM you, we are ONE. Your pathetic existence has now become something bigger than your infinitesimal heartbeat on an immature planet that needs to be cleansed of its horrible disease. You are worthless without me. You are trash, garbage that needs to be disposed of properly. Once I have stripped every last bit of information from your embryonic brain, you will once again become the scum that you are." it yells.   
  
_That voice...it sounds angry all the sudden. Why it is saying such things...I don't understand...I just want it to go away...but it wants to use me...It wants to look deeper into me. I have the feeling that its been trying to find something within me and it can't so it has grown annoyed. Are these Angels capable of such feelings? This is crazy...lunacy...someone get me out of here.  
_  
"There is no escape for you. Tell me where it is! Tell me now!" it screams.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about though!" _What the hell is this thing talking about? Whatever it is...I am NOT going to give into it. Misato...I hope you can do something...because I don't know how long I can hide from something...that is part of me...  
_  
....................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
Misato ran through the gloomy gray halls, Shinji dangling in her arms wrapped up in only his blanket and her coat. He was shivering in his sleep, his eyelids moving rapidly in what Misato could only guess as being a terrified dream. Her own heart was beating rapidly. She had to get out of here unseen. She didn't know where to go though. Where could she hide where she could get some proper medical attention for Shinji?  
  
Shinji's wounds, which had only been bandaged, began to leak blood again and Misato almost became hysterical, but her training in emergency situations had paid off and she managed to keep her head cool. I have to get him somewhere soon. I don't think he can last much longer like this.  
  
"Misato?!" she heard a male voice call anxiously from across the hall. "What are you doing?!"  
  
She turned around to see that it was only Kaji. "Kaji, I need you to help me! I need somewhere to hide!"  
  
"What? Shinji?! What's happening? Tell me Misato?" Kaji said worriedly as he put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"They....they.....they're going to kill him!" She stammered, choking on her tears.  
  
Kaji gently took Shinji from her arms. "C'mon. I'm getting you two out of here. This place has gone to hell."  
  
Misato sighed and managed to get herself back under control. "That's right. Let's go!"


	5. So Tired

.

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**Haunted**

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.

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**Chapter Five:** _So Tired_

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.

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Approximately one hour later Kaji, Misato, and Shinji arrived at Kaji's small apartment. The ghostly figure of the Angel still haunted the farther reaches of the city, standing still in the first rays of morning light. They entered in Kaji's house to find that the place was a mess of scattered assortments.

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"Well. This is just exactly what I expected. A perfect mess." Misato stated as they picked their way through.

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Kaji huffed, but quickly led them over to his bedroom. In it was a single bed with a bedside table and a old lamp that flickered oddly as he turned it on. The morning light was still dim and the city was quiet under the assault of the Angel as though everything was holding its breath waiting for the inevitable to come.

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"Set him down here..." Kaji said lightly as he pulled back the covers of the bed. Misato carefully placed Shinji down on the bed being careful not to disturb his injuries. Shinji's breathing had become even shallower and Misato was beginning to get scared that maybe he wasn't going to make it. It certainly did seem like everything was against him.

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"What are we going to do?! He's going to die!" Misato exclaimed desperately, burying her head in her hands. Everything had gone so wrong, so horribly wrong.

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Kaji gently took one of her hands in his own. "Calm down. Don't worry so much. He will be fine. He's strong.." He tried to comfort.

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Misato sighed and gently squeezed his hand back. "I know....but I'm so scared...What if...what if he doesn't make it?" she murmured her voice trembling slightly.

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"You can't think like that. Shinji's going to be fine. Everything is going to fine. I'm here for both of you...Always..." Kaji said as he gently wrapped his arms around her. She leaned against him breathing in his scent. Sighing she was content to just lean against him as he gently stroked her hair. _Maybe I was wrong to leave him in the first place. Maybe he is the one I really belong with._

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Asuka stood in disbelief her hands on her hips as she screeched, "What do you mean Shinji and Misato are GONE?"

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"That is what I was told. I was ordered to inform you of that fact and also that we will be detained here at NERV headquarters until the crisis status has been relieved." Rei said unemotionally, her eyes looking cold as ever.

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"WHAT?! THEY WANT ME TO STAY HERE?! But...but! What about school, and all my friends...and everything else. I HAVE A LIFE! Just let me out there to kill that Angel and then we can all go home!" Asuka protested letting her temper get the best of her as she always did.

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"Do you still not understand? If you kill the Angel, than you kill Ikari. Do you really want to do that?" Rei said quietly. She would have been slightly annoyed of Asuka's constant ignorance if she had even cared at all.

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Asuka went silent, the reality of the situation hitting her full force. "But...then what do we do?" She said, her voice quivering. This really was serious, dead serious.

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Rei's eyes went misty and she gazed off into space. _Ikari...in my dream I was looking for you...because I knew something was happening to you...and now something has...what does this mean? Why do I feel myself drawn to you...when now you are so far away..__._

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Misato carefully gripped tightly onto Shinji's hand which was slick with sweat. He was tossing back and forth in his sleep moaning quietly to himself. The look on his face was breaking her heart. He looked so sad and damaged...and pained at the same time. She didn't know how much longer she could stand this. She felt her body began to shake from lack of sleep and hunger, but she ignored it.

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Sighing, she tenderly brushed a bit of hair out of his face. _Shinji...when I first meet you I thought you were weak...but after spending all this time with you...and getting to know you...I realized that you are the strongest person that I know. You've made it through a hard childhood, this difficult time with the Evas, and all the time not showing any sign of remorse or pain except your eternal silence. I thought...I thought that your pain was ceasing, but maybe...I was wrong. Maybe I couldn't see through that fake smile that you like to wear...Maybe I couldn't tell how much you were really hurting inside. Maybe I was too concentrated on myself, unable to see that each day...each night that that hurt inside your heart was growing. As time passed it grew too big for you to control. I've seen how much you've been suffering lately, all this hurt has been building up. If only I had been there for you more. If only I had known sooner..._

_._

"Misato?" Kaji's soft voice called from the other room. Misato looked up to see Kaji walk in with a cup of coffee in his hand. Gratefully she accepted it and gently sipped on the hot brown liquid.

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"You know...it would be better for you to actually get some sleep." Kaji said teasingly, trying to lighten her mood. Misato just sighed and tightened her grip on Shinji's hand.

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_I never noticed how frail his body is. Such a thin frame, worn by his endless sadness. When I hold onto him it feels like nothing. His face...it's so young, but yet so old at the same time. I almost want to hold him to myself to protect what seems so fragile, but yet is really so strong on the inside. _

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Kaji watched her curiously, seeing her in a way that he had never before. "You really do care for him, don't you?" he said fondly.

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Misato's breath caught. "Yes...Yes I do...I love him...as though he really were my son."

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There was a moment of silence before Misato spoke again. "What are we going to do? How can we possibly stop the Angel and still keep Shinji alive? They really have passed the line this time. I can't believe they'd do something so horribly cruel. Shinji doesn't deserve it. If anyone should suffer...it's me." Misato said with fierce conviction.

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Kaji laid a concerned hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll think of something..." _...Hopefully._

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_How long have I been like this...trapped with this Angel. Has it found what its looking for? Can I keep fighting it? Will I ever see Misato or Rei or Asuka ever again? And what about father? Will...he even care? If I die will it matter to him?_

_._

_Father...Oh father...I needed you so much, my heart was begging you to care. I really needed you and you rejected me. You shut me away and considered me useless. My heart is falling apart...now more than ever...after you betrayed me...after you left me...I try to repair my heart...to somehow hold it together...but now I can't...I can't possibly hold it together...why is this happening to me? I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that you hate me...and you will always hate me. I could never...earn you love...I could never convince you that I was worth something...and now I'm piloting the Eva and you appreciated me for once. But why do I want that? What do I want you appreciation now that you suddenly think that I am useful. Maybe I should give everything up...just forget it all...everything...I wish it would just go away...._

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"**I could give that to you. I could give you nothing. If you were to give me something in return..." **

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_That voice again. Maybe...I should just give in...I can't fight it anymore...I just want it to all end. _"What do you want from me"

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"**Something very simple. Just...let me see your memories...the ones of your father...and then this will all be over...and you won't have to think anymore..." **

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_Should I do it? Should I tell the Angel about my father...I guess...I will. _

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"Father...Gendo Ikari....the man that I never knew...how funny that you should ask me about him..."

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"**Just...remember him...one last time....and then it can all be over...remember everything....and let me see.......let me show you what true peace ...can be like...when you show me....." **

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_I guess that's not too much to ask...besides...I am so tired ...so very tired...I guess...all I have to do is remember..................father..........................._

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A/n: Not the best chapter ever written, but I think you've waited long enough. I'm really big into angst, but I usually like happy endings (if that makes you feel better). I'm not making no promises though and it may turn into a tragedy. I don't know at this point. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Ja!

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